You don’t need to earn unconditional love; it’s already yours
Before my sweet Finn broke through my thoughts, achievement seemed to be the only way out from under this sinking feeling that I wasn’t doing, being, or [any other ‘ing’-ending thing, my brain comes up with so many] enough. It turns out that finding clarity in chaos doesn’t come from checking off a list, but in mindful self-compassion found only in the present moment.
Hey there, mama friends!
There’s nothing like some sunglasses to remind you to get present enough to enjoy the true brilliance of the little things. And also, to give yourself a break! Does your day feel so jam-packed that even your thoughts offer little space for self-care or spontaneous moments of joy? I mean, I’m going to guess yes since you’re likely navigating neurodivergent parenting [and maybe your own adult ADHD] like me.
So here’s how I had a moment of clarity about the key to overcoming overwhelm in parenting [at least for the moment]: let go of perfectionism and put down the almighty to-do list.
This revelation happened when I was doing, well, the opposite. I was sitting at the kitchen table staring at my self-imposed to-do NOVEL with a mix of overwhelm and guilt Sunday often brings. Wait, did I order those socks? I need to make that appointment. Did I write down I need to call the doctor? Why is my to-do list always an unorganized jumble of tasks?
Then, a little voice broke through my thoughts.
“Mommy! Geen!” Finn squealed.
Then he ran up to me with the hugest smile on his face. The only thing wider than his sparkling eyes was a pair of sunglasses with FINN spelled across the top.
“Nice green glasses! Do you love them?” I asked.
“Yeah!” Finn said, beaming. Suddenly, the socks didn’t really seem to matter. And so this blog post was born.
Finnley didn’t need me to get his paw patrol socks to be super mom. I chuckled to myself as I realized I’d yet again fallen into the trap of the to-do list [and that sneaky perfectionism, you can download my free book on the subject I know it so well. I unconsciously told myself that if I just completed that list well enough, then I would be able to manage anything that was to happen in the future. I could fix the inevitable fears and uncertainties my husband and I honestly face when we think about the unknowns of the future [like Finnley’s upcoming diagnosis]. Before my sweet Finn broke through my thoughts, achievement seemed to be the only way out from under this sinking feeling that I wasn’t doing, being, or [any other ‘ing’-ending thing, my brain comes up with so many] enough. It turns out that finding clarity in chaos doesn’t come from checking off a list, but in mindful self-compassion found only in the present moment.
So this time, as I smiled into the beaming face of my son, I made a conscious choice to embrace a simple truth: love is all there is, and I am deserving of it, no matter how many things aren’t done or have yet to be. The only “bad” news here is that it looks like I can’t schedule moments of self-discovery in motherhood. 🙂 But the good news is that being present in the moment gave me the pause needed to see how much my kid loves me. Try not loving yourself unconditionally when you see it in their eyes.
As far as coping with uncertainties in parenting, while I don’t see a magic future date where I know exactly how to handle it perfectly, I can get present and celebrate the beauty of doing less and loving myself more, inspired by Finnley’s sheer delight over some old sunglasses on a shelf [these happened to be adorable ones I’d bought him from Etsy!].
Here’s to the reminder that beyond the things waiting to “get done,” we have the choice every moment to discover the everyday magic our kids show us. And we don’t have to be perfect for them to love us!
Because you are perfection, mama! As-is
Sending you so much love,
Megan xoxo